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Grindr Tribes: How To Dress The Part

by • October 18, 2013 • Love, Play, Skill, WearComments (5,420)45052

So you just bought the new iPhone and iOS7 is freaking you out. You go to update your apps, and of course the first one you load up is Grindr. But suddenly you’re faced with a brave new world that nobody has prepared you for: you are now forced to pick a “Tribe”, and that allegiance will ultimately decide who will double tap your headless torso from here on out. But what should you expect from this shirtless wonder in real life? It’s hard to get a sense of somebody’s personality through a maximum number of characters and a few still images, so tribes are a great way to gauge what somebody is like IRL (that’s “in real life” for you internet n00bs.) So I’m here to give you the complete style breakdown for each of the different Grindr Tribes out there, and feel free to mix and match how you see fit.

twinkTwinks: Known for their lean, hairless bodies and overuse of the word “Twerk”, the twinks of grindr can vary on the fashion spectrum anywhere from “Little Monster” to “Lax Bro”. Still, twinks aren’t terribly hard to spot out in the wild. Look for the obvious benchmarks: a baseball cap that is in any potion except forward (usually backwards or at a 45 degree angle), an ill-fitting tank top that was probably purchased from the Forever 21 women’s section to show off his skeletal yet lean frame, and jeans tailored to hug his chicken legs. For footwear it could be converse one day and Steve Madden boots the next, so be on the look out for this ever changing “Twink”. Their specific style gets more refined depending on their secondary tribe, but just be aware that anything they wear will be a size too small and their muscle mass will leave something to be desired.

jockJock: Ah yes, the ever elusive “Jock”. When they’re not out on the Kickball field or the Dodgeball court (because let’s face it, the only athletics these gay men participate in are recreational leagues in West Hollywood), the “Jock” can be found at any given sports bar or dive joint, casually rocking their team’s jersey in an attempt to come off as more “Masc”. Of course, no outfit would be complete without a pair of brightly colored gym shorts and knee-high socks from American Apparel to match. They, too, wear baseball caps with no actual feelings for or against any particular team, but their hats are usually more of the “trucker” style, as to match their overpriced Ray-Bans. Also did I mention they’re “Masc”? No? Oh well, I’m sure their profile will tell you this 30 times over.

discreetDiscreet: A sub species of the “Jock” tribe, the “Discreet” male hopes to never be caught with another man’s dick in his hand for fear of losing any street cred he may have. I’m sorry honey, but you’re only as straight as the amount of cocks you’ve had down your throat. So do us all a favor and stop pretending that you’re “Str8 Acting”. Unlike jocks, the “Discreet” male will not participate in any gay-themed recreational sports. Instead, their wardrobe usually consists of overpriced hoodies, a t-shirt from that one store on Melrose you always walk by but know you could never afford, and some variance of sweatpants or overpriced denim jeans. Their shoes are well kept too, and their hair looks a little “messy” to be completely unintentional.

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